A Twitter buddy, @KTsDivaMom , reached out to say hello and I took the chance to catch up on her blog posts I hadn't read in awhile. I found a post about an interaction she had with her son.
Her son had been sick and could not practice his musical instrument. She agreed he could take a break but would have to make up the hours as he had to fill out a log sheet to document his practice sessions for school. The sheet had to be signed by a parent and returned to the teacher. After a gentle reminder, she allowed him to make his own choice about his use of time; like most 11 year olds, he chose video games over practice. The time came to sign the sheet and as she picked up her pen to sign the paper, she saw her son had lied about his practice time. She would not sign the paper. In fact, she crossed off the hours he had tried to slip in.
This struck me so deeply. This mother could have signed the paper and allowed her son to bring it back to school. The music teacher would have been none the wiser and her son would have returned to his scheduled practice sessions. She chose the high road and her son will surely benefit from that.
By allowing your child to engage in a lie, even a teeny, tiny, perhaps white lie, you are teaching him that he can avoid consequences, he doesn't have to take responsibility for his own choices, and that manipulating others is acceptable. Now, as a parent, if your child suffers a consequence, you likely suffer, too. Since this mom did not sign the paper, there may have been a note sent home, saying "Please remind your son to practice" or an uncomfortable phone call from the teacher saying "You need to help him stay on track." Though a small consequence, it's a consequence all the same. You may think to sign the paper because it's a simple thing, not a big lie. By lying to avoid consequences for yourself ("I don't have time to deal with this!"), you teach your child he can make poor choices and get by. Her son made his own choice not to practice and she taught him to stand on his own two feet. His lie is his lie alone. She was not going to save him. She also followed up with why the lie was bad. She talked about what it takes to be great at something- the hard work, dedication, and commitment. You're only cheating yourself if you fib.
Remember small choices eventually add up and equal habits. White lies can turn into hurtful lies. Poor choices at a young age lead to poor choices in adulthood, where the consequences are greater. Honesty is truly one of the greatest character traits you can model for your children. Even if it means you the parent get in a little trouble at school.
Tutor's Tip: A quick fix for you is a lifelong problem for him. Help your child live an honest life.
No comments:
Post a Comment