World Wish Day 2012

Today is Make-A-Wish Foundation's World Wish Day, which celebrates the first wish ever honored on April 29, 1980. A seven-year-old boy living with leukemia told his family he wished to be a policeman. His mother, along with community members, made that wish come true, complete with a custom-made uniform. Thus, Make-A-Wish was born.

Make-A-Wish has become a positive force in bringing joy and hope to families whose joy and hope are being tested. This organization continues to make the impossible a reality for families throughout the world. I urge you to support this inspiring organization.

Click here to donate:
http://worldwishday.org/en/donate.php

Thinking Outside the Box: Gifts for Children

I just got off the phone with a friend who's been struck with the Cleaning Bug. You know that burst of energy you get when you can't stand to look at all that stuff collecting dust in your basement? She's got it bad.

As she began to purge the depths of the closet, she found countless toys, puzzles, and games that her now-nineteen-year-old boys haven't touched in years. Then she did the math and actually counted.

       3 boys
       1 birthday party per year for 10 years
       30 friends at each party
 X   1 gift per boy
___________________
       900 gifts!!!

That's an estimate that doesn't include Hanukkah and birthday gifts from family members!

The custom of giving a birthday gift to a child is so ingrained in our culture and our children come to expect that they will receive gifts each year. That's not to say they don't appreciate the gesture or use good manners and write thank you notes for the spoils they've received, but they know, once a year, they will be showered with toys, just for being born.

I believe in the importance of honoring significant events and celebrating the joy and love you share as a family. Birthdays are incredibly joyous occasions- especially for those children who had a tough road getting here- but can we reconsider the amount of waste we produce in celebrating these moments?

One year for Christmas I decided to think outside the box and gave my young cousin a gift card to a website that allowed her to select the charity to which she'd like to donate. (The site, unfortunately, is no longer in operation.) She ran to the computer and began to select her favorite charities. She was eight at the time and understood- and fully embraced- the importance of giving back.

Can we break the mold? Can we think outside the box and create a generation of children who really believe 'tis better to give than to receive?

Fresh Entertainment for Kids

On March 25, my sister and I took my 4-year-old niece to see the Fresh Beat Band in concert in New York City. Friends and family joked with us and warned that we were about to endure a boring afternoon of child-centered entertainment. I even got credit for being a good aunt and giving up a lazy Sunday to trek into the city and sit through the show. Oh, how they were wrong.

From start to finish, the Fresh Beat Band experience was amazing. It helped that we splurged and got front-row seats and the VIP passes for a post-show meet-and-greet. The show was a little more than an hour with a fifteen minute intermission. The band- Kiki, Marina, Twist, and Shout- were played by the actors who portray them on TV. (I was briefly worried there would be look-alike stand-ins.) The back-up dancers were just as phenomenal as the band themselves. Each song was fast-paced and well-choreographed. Dancing in the aisles was encouraged and the kids obliged. Parents couldn't resist tapping their toes and singing along, too.

These performers are on a grueling tour, sometimes performing the same high-evergy show twice a day. They did not break character, they did not miss a beat, and they did not stop smiling. This was well-worth the money and time to share this experience with my niece.

These guys are the real deal. Follow them on Twitter and support them. I wish these talented performers all the best.

Fresh Beat Band
Yvette Gonzalez-Nacer (Kiki)... www.twitter.com/Yvette_G_Nacer
Tara Perry (Marina)... www.twitter.com/taraperry
Thomas Hobson (Shout)... www.twitter.com/TommyHobson
Jon Beavers (Twist)...No Twitter account (What's up with that, Jon?)

Dancers
Adrian Harvey... www.twitter.com/AdrianLHarvey
Frances Manzo... www.twitter.com/Frances315
Meisha Lee... www.twitter.com/mzmeishalee
Tyler... Cannot locate Tyler's last name! (Tried Tweeting some of the Band but didn't hear back. Happy to edit this post if anyone has info on Tyler!)

For information on the tour: http://www.freshbeatbandlive.com/

Mega Good Mood

Every single person I know has bought a lottery ticket for tonight's record-setting Mega Millions drawing. Every. Single. Person. I. Know.

I've seen hundreds of strangers on the street carrying their tickets.

The jackpot is set for $640 million, an all-time high.

Everyone is talking about the lottery.

What has amazed me most is the positive spirit this historic event has spurred among my neighbors. Every person buying a ticket at my local convenience store smiled and wished each other good luck. My colleagues all grinned as they tossed in $10 and told each other, "See you Monday, even if we win!" Everyone is plotting how to spend their riches, and most conversations I've heard include huge donations to charity and shared wealth among family and friends.

Most often a nationwide event is laden with sorrow, tragedy, and shared disappointment. How often do we encounter a nationwide event that makes us all feel good? How often do we share in our neighbors' joy and good will, outside of the holiday season?

This lottery is set to make history but I'll always remember it as a time when my community shared hope. Unless I win. Then it will forever be remembered as the day I payed off my student loans.

Good luck to you all!

Healthy Alternatives for Your Child's Breakfast

My good friend, Bethany, and I enjoyed a delicious vegan lunch yesterday. (Thanks to Beth and her mother, Barbara, for cooking a meal I never could have managed!) Bethany is also a teacher and we constantly talk about ways we can help families live healthy lives. Bethany is a wealth of knowledge and I often call her from the grocery store with a question about my purchases. (This week I asked, What am I supposed to be sweetening my coffee with? Answer: honey or agave)

Here is her blog about children's breakfast, as originally posted on her website www.veganonthefence.com :

For more information, you can email her at veganonthefence@gmail.com

****************************************************************

What kid doesn’t love when their milk magically turns into delicious chocolatey soup? Thanks to the ingredients in cereals like Cocoa Puffs and Cookie Crisps, children all over the world enjoy this delicacy on a regular basis.  Let’s not forget the rest of the “breakfast food” kitchen dwellers like Pop Tarts, Mini Muffins, Bagel-fuls, and Toaster Scrambles. With claims like, “baked with real fruit,” “a great source of vitamins and minerals and best of all “more then a snack, it’s art you can eat,” what parent would say no to such a thing?

What they (Kellogg’s, Kraft, General Mills) don’t mention in their marketing ploys is the amount of vitamins and minerals is a pathetic percentage in comparison to what your child should be consuming, the “art you can eat” is no masterpiece as it is ladened with sugar and modified ingredients, and the “real” fruit is dried and covered with artificial (fruit) flavoring and food coloring.

At this point you may be thinking, “Ok, so what is your point?” Sure this isn’t really big news to everyone and you could be well aware of the ingredients in the foods your children consume. My reasoning then for this you ask?  To share some quick and healthy (vegan too!) alternatives for the most important meal of the day for your little ones.

If your child wants a Pop Tart:

*Pop a slice of whole wheat or whole grain bread, make sure it is dairy/egg free (I likeEzekiel-they even carry a Cinnamon Raisin loaf) in the toaster oven and top with jelly (no sugar added is best), peanut butter and banana slices or “butter” (Earth Balance a soy or olive oil butter alternative) and cinnamon mixed with some Xylitol (a natural sugar) or honey.

*Mix up a batch of whole wheat pancakes or waffles.  You can find tons of (dairy and egg free) recipes online and the best part is you can add or take out ingredients to personalize them to your child’s taste buds and/or food sensitivities/allergies (veganize it with an egg/milk alternatives… like Pacific Natural Foods-Unsweetened Original or Vanilla almond milk and Ener-G egg replacer)  I love to heat up some steel-cut oats orKashi Whole Grain Pilaf and mix it into the batter for extra fiber and texture.  If time is not on your side, frozen ones can be kept on hand too.  Van’s has a variety of (vegan) wheat-free, gluten-free choices, including minis (which kids LOVE), flax, blueberry, apple cinnamon and buckwheat!

If your child craves Cereal:

* Good news there are some healthier choices out there!  My go to box is Kashi GoLean with 13 grams of protein and 10 grams of fiber.

*Most of Barbara’s cereals are kid friendly, healthy, vegan and delicious.  You will find corn flakes, brown rice crisps and my favorite shredded wheat. All of the their cereals are sweetened with natural fruit juices or molasses, both better alternatives to high fructose corn syrup and good old fashion sugar. Check out their Special Dietary Needspage to find out more! They also have cereal bars that are vegan friendly!

If your child wants a Go-Gurt:

*Get some plain soy yogurt, mix it with applesauce and any fruit your child loves.  For some crunchiness throw in some “grape nuts” (Ezekiel Sprouted Grain Cereal-what Babs used for bread crumbs in the Eggplant Rawmesan) or granola (low in sugar), stir up and serve!

Side Rant (Warning):

*(Written pre-veganish adventure… hence why milk is even involved in this blab of mine)

Oh Go-Gurt, how I loathe you. You’re messy and creepily colored.

Yogurt should have very few ingredients… like milk and live bacteria cultures.
I have a serious problem with the crazy things (yes I say “things” because they are not normal) Yoplait has added into this tube of convenience.  With flavors like cotton candy and berry blue blast, you can imagine what “food like” substances are hidden inside.  (Oh, and don’t expect to find the ingredients on the Yoplait website because they aren’t listed, which is quite strange don’t you think?) Even more exciting, they have even also created Go-Gurt Fizzix, a carbonated yogurt… I need to move on before my head explodes…

DON’T GET DISCOURAGED!

It may take some time to transition your child from the old choices to the new ones. Be patient and remind yourself (even during a tantrum) that your decision to make these changes will pay off in the long run.

Domestic Abuse in Young Relationships

I started writing this blog last week after reading an article about the trial of George Huguely, the former college lacrosse player accused of killing his girlfriend, Yeardley Love, who died of blunt force trauma to her head.

Then, Rihanna and Chris Brown released new songs, guest starring on each other's records.

And yesterday, 26-year-old Charles Ann of Fort Lee, New Jersey, was arrested for deliberately and repeatedly running over his girlfriend with his car after she tried to break up with him. Aena Hong died shortly after this gruesome attack.

I am deeply troubled by these stories of violence involving young women and, regarding Rihanna, such disregard for the seriousness of domestic abuse. Each story is so different, yet there are lessons to be learned from each.

It seems to be well documented that Yeardley Love and George Huguely engaged in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship over the course of two years. As standout athletes and students, they outwardly appeared to have it all but behind closed doors, things were falling apart. Huguely admits to shaking Love and "perhaps" grabbing her neck on the night she died. Many eyewitnesses, classmates, and friends report a series of violent and abusive exchanges between the couple.

In the Fort Lee case, numerous eye witnesses report watching Charles Ann hit Aena Hong with his car then back up and run over her at least three times. On-lookers were distraught as the attack happened so quickly there was nothing they could do to help. One man even tried to open the car door to get Ann to stop. A woman said she held Hong's hand and told her "I'm here with you. You're not alone." because that's all she could do for her. Authorities described their dating as "tumultuous" and community members recall seeing a physical altercation as well as "outbursts" from Ann in the past.

Then there's Rihanna, who was beaten so violently by her then-boyfriend Chris Brown her face was bloodied and bruised. A restraining order was appropriately put into place to bar Brown from making contact with her. That restraining order has long since expired and it seems she's decided to get close to him again.

I'm incredibly sad for the girls who were murdered and disheartened by Rihanna's decision to collaborate with her abuser. The other girls did not make it out alive. They did not live to sing songs or dance with their friends or go shopping in Paris. They are dead because the violence got so out of control they lost their lives. I don't expect Rihanna to run around spewing words of hate towards Chris Brown forever, and I accept that she was unwillingly given this role as "role model for women involved in domestic abuse" but she should have just stayed away from him. All she had to do was avoid contact with him to show she does not condone his behavior or treatment of her. Instead, she and Brown were seen leaving the same recording studio within 15 minutes of each other. The message this has sent to young girls is that if some time passes and the situation cools down, you can go back.

All of these cases highlight the importance of teaching emotional health to young children and teens, particulary as they begin to date. As parents and educators, we must make sure children and teens understand the markings of an unhealthy relationship and ways to get out. 

It is crucial that parents and educators craft an open relationship with the children in their care by initiating conversation; many children aren't apt to share in that way. Start by using these talking points to begin your conversation with your pre-teen and teenage children, especially as they begin to show interest in dating.

No one has the right to speak to you in a hurtful way

Many abusers will "break down" their victims by belittling them so they feel weak. Words are powerful and no one has the right to use them as a weapon against you.

State your needs and leave if they are not being met

Why stay with someone if they don't give you what you need? If they don't measure up to your expectations, leave. Someone else will.

You are strong
You may envision a life of sadness without this person in your life but you are strong. You will heal and find love again.

If you feel unsafe, ask for help

Talk to a teacher, coach, or parent. Listen to the little voice in your head and say the words "I don't feel safe" to a trusted adult. If you're not sure how to end the relationship, someone will be there for you.

Opening dialogue with your child lets her know you care and will support her through difficult times. It very well may save her life.

For more information, please visit:
http://www.thehotline.org/

New Jersey Comeback to Include People With Developmental Disabilities

Governor Christie presented his budget address today under the tagline "The New Jersey Comeback." I was pleased to hear him speak as he highlighted the creation of a new department within the Department of Children and Families that will serve as a "single point of entry" for families of children with developmental disabilities. As many of you know, navigating any service within this department is a nightmare- a seemingly endless amount of paperwork, numerous and ever-changing contacts, and hours and hours of your time wasted- hours and hours of your child's time wasted.

I hope that this new department is well-staffed with knowledgeable employees- you know, people who have actually met a child with a disability. I hope that a family can apply for services and work with one case manager for an extended period of time, so that case manager can get to know the child's needs and the family's needs. I hope that the services to be provided and managed include financial relief for families, counseling services for parents, siblings, and children, and education and training opportunities for family members.

Governor Christie also spoke about the importance of transitioning teenagers with developmental disabilities to adult services, an area that is greatly lacking in efficient and effective resources.

Governor Christie repeatedly cites the need to make government smarter; today he took a step towards applying that philosophy to a community of New Jersey citizens that has long suffered. I hope that he has done his homework and that "The New Jersey Comeback" produces a system that works for and with the people of the great state of New Jersey. There's a lot riding on it.

Bonus Birthday

My niece is very interested in numbers.

How many grapes are in this bag?

How much time does it take to get to your house, Tee Tee?

If I'm four now, when will I be four and a half?

This last question came six months ago and my sister quickly counted the months to February, but dismissed the conversation as just another inquiry from a very inquisitive girl.

February 1.

Mom! I'm going to be four and a half soon!

Her half birthday coincided almost perfectly with the 100th day of school celebration, another number-orientated fascination, so my sister decided to throw her a surprise half birthday party. She invited our family over for pizza and cake.

The party was simple- nothing over the top- but encouraged my niece's love of numbers and family. You may think a half birthday party is silly- even indulgent- but any way to encourage a love of math is all right by me.

Free Seminar- Parents of Children With Autism

The Chelsea at Warren Presents

Understanding Autism in Today’s World

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

10:00 am

Join Kelly Adams and Loretta Kaes from Chelsea Senior Living for an overview of the autism spectrum, facts, resources, theories and personal stories from a mother about her journey learning about and from her own young son and the world he lives in.

 Also available will be Carolann Garafola, from Mount Bethel Village with information about a new residential community for adults with autism and other disabilities.

 Location of Seminar:

The Chelsea at Warren

274 King George Rd.

Warren, NJ 07059

RSVP by March 2

 To: Melanie at 908-903-0911

Casual Connections Blur the Lines

Today's arrest of Lyndhurst High School teacher and coach Scott Rubinetti hits close to home as he was a former colleague of mine in the Northern Valley school system. He served as the varsity football coach at Demarest High School where I served as the varsity cheerleading coach for 2 years. I will not comment on the specifics of this case or Mr. Rubinetti in general, allowing for the court system to assign guilt or innocence. I will, however, address one of the larger issues this story brings to light: the changing dynamics between students and authority figures. 

I've written about the sexualization of young girls and how the media has impacted their development, interests, and demeanor- an important component to this evolving dynamic.

Your Child Is Not Your Mini-Me:

http://tutorstips.blogspot.com/2010/11/your-child-is-not-your-mini-me.html

There is also a "casualization" between authority figures in the school setting and students. Many times I've heard students refer to teachers by nicknames or shortened versions of their names. "What's up, Smitty" shows me a student views their teacher as a peer, not as a respected authority figure, thus narrowing the distance between them.

The manner in which you address someone creates a clear boundary line and, in most cases, a necessary air of respect. To this day, when I see any of my former coaches, I address them by their title. One finally said to me "Jennifer, you're an adult. You can call me by my first name." I can't; the title Coach means too much to me.

In no way am I suggesting this casual conversation between adults and students leads to inappropriate contact but it certainly sets a tone of friendship. It is important for adults to purposefully and actively set distance between themselves and the children they interact with, accounting for the fact that children will test limits and are trying to establish themselves as individuals, especially during the teenage years.

My hope is that those working directly with students ensure they establish a respectful relationship and that those supervising those adults facilitate that process. The "casualization" between adults and students is just one factor in an ongoing problem of inappropriate relationships between adults and underage children, which unfortunately and tragically sometimes includes sexual contact. 

Tebowing Turns Violent

I, like all of you, was shocked to read the story of teens beating up their peers for Tebowing. For non-sports fans, Tebowing refers to someone who kneels in prayer, like Denver Broncos quarterback, Tim Tebow.

Read the full story at Fox News here:
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/01/15/high-school-basketball-players-beaten-for-tebowing/?intcmp=trending




Of course, the boys should face all the penalties required by law. Beyond that, it is important that these boys receive counseling services. It is clear to me that they don't understand- or worse, care about- the consequences of their actions. No teenager with a respect for human life and a level head would intentionally and violently hurt someone, especially not for praying. I can't speak to their upbringing, but they clearly need some professional help to explore why they engaged in such a senseless act of violence.

For those boys, the intervention they receive after the incident is critical. We as parents and educators need to actively teach the children in our care to respect themselves, respect others, and to find the clear line between right from wrong before they make poor choices like these young teens.

Small Victories

Some days it's hard to stay positive. I know- I'm preaching to the choir. Parents and teachers of children with special needs often feel we don't get that "momentum" going. We don't feel that We got over the hump feeling. There's always another hump to get over. 

Parents and teachers of children with special needs- let's just think about today and celebrate . 

Let's celebrate that we didn't have to call Poison Control today.

Let's revel in the fact that our kids did not reassemble the computer after we disconnected it to stop the obsessive rewinding of Jungle Book.

Let's rejoice in the silence that exists only when they sleep or chew.

Let's bask in the glory of no phone calls home. (No news = good news!)

Let's delight in the fact that our teenagers with Autism did not steal a Dora book from Target.

Let's be thankful our sense of humor is still in tact, even if it's hanging on by a shred of dental floss.

And let's congratulate each other on doing the best we could do... today.

Breathe Deep and Carry On

I've noticed a few times each day that I feel as if I'm holding my breath. I notice this mostly when I'm in a rush, trying to tackle too many tasks at once, or answering 57 new emails. I've gotten good at maintaing a calm demeanor when supporting children exhibiting challenging behaviors, but I forget to do so over the course of any old day.

Taking a deep breath increases blood flow to all areas of your body, triggers an overall relaxation response, and allows you to think more clearly. Remaining conscious of your breathing helps you maintain a focused and positive perspective and make clear decisions- goals that are surely on all our minds.

Be sure to pause and take a deep breath (in through your nose, out through your mouth!), especially when working with children. Don't wait for a challenging behavior to arise to do so. A few times each day stop, let your shoulders drop, and breathe. Your stress level will remain lower throughout the day and you'll be ready to help the children in your life.

Undiagnosed ADHD: Looking Back

Diagnoses and acronyms are used so freely these days; every one claims to have something. People sometimes think I'm joking when I say I believe I have ADHD and was never diagnosed as a child. Knowing what I know now and looking back at my educational experiences, I think I'm one of the many people who struggled for years without an answer.  

In class, I heard everything- the teacher talking, Johnny turning a page, Sarah sharpening a pencil, the 5th graders on the playground, the birds tweeting. I was impulsive; I remember acting on an impulse even as I heard that little voice in my head say "Wait! Don't do that!" (That still happens sometimes!) I was hyper. Each night after dinner, I would say to my dog "You take the high road and I'll take the low road" and we would set off running in opposite directions. We ran circles around the dining room table until we collapsed.

Children with ADHD are often very bright. In third grade, I was placed in the Talented and Gifted program because my teachers thought I needed to be challenged in order to be more focused and productive at school. Humor is often mistaken for intelligence. Turns out I was just funny. And now, looking back, I probably just needed some modified instruction to meet my needs.

I really liked my high school basketball coach because he was clear in his directions and supportive each step of the way. I was a horrible player but I enjoyed the structure and the routine of the drills and the way he gave clear, constructive feedback to each player, even though he knew I wasn't going to bring him a championship.

My grades through elementary school, high school, and my undergraduate college program were not great. If I had a dollar for every time a teacher asked me what happened and said "But you're a bright girl!" I'd be a rich woman. I lacked the organization and time management skills to complete homework assignments and study productively. I eventually earned a 4.0 in my master's program after I had learned to manage both those skills as an adult.

As an adult I have over compensated. I am hyper organized because I got tired of  feeling a loss of control. I got tired of the jokes "Jennifer's always late" or "Jennifer's room is a pigsty". It was hurtful because both tasks- time management and organization- were things I struggled with daily. I gradually learned to remove excess items from my home, create categories and spaces for all my belongings, and give myself ample to time to arrive at a destination. I've also closely examined how long tasks truly take so I can better manage my time.

Time management, impulsivity in my words and actions, organization of my thoughts and belongings, focus, and clear communication are all skills I struggle with each day. I work hard at creating a task list for myself each day and following a task through to completion before moving on to the next one. I work hard to only tackle a task when I know I have ample time to complete it. I work hard to organize my thoughts before speaking. I know that I need routine and structure to keep myself together and that I could fall apart if I don't maintain both. I sometimes fail at these tasks but luckily I've also learned to forgive myself and try again.